The Unique Challenges of Autistic Leadership
When I first started my coaching business, I had a conversation with someone who worked on helping people who are autistic get their first job. When I mentioned what I do, helping high performing neurodivergent leaders continue to grow in their careers, the person was flabbergasted. They basically were of the opinion that autistic people didn’t exist beyond the first rung of the career ladder.
Now I completely respect what they do, for a significant group of autistic individuals, getting their first job is a challenge. But that doesn’t mean that we can’t have autistic individuals at all levels of leadership, from front line managers to department heads to C-suite. So part of the reason for this blog post is to reassure readers that are worried about a glass ceiling: Your autism does not automatically block you from the senior roles.
The other purpose is to discuss what the challenges of autistic leadership actually are. Because when your only options are autistic support that doesn’t meet your level of career or neurotypical leadership training that ignores your autism completely, no wonder you feel stuck and like you’re the only one with these challenges.
So in this post we’re going to talk about four challenges (Masking, Direct Communication, Networking and Uncertainty) autistic leaders face and what to do about them. This isn’t an exhaustive list of challenges and please feel free to get in contact if you have ones that I’ve missed. But for now, let’s kick it off by talking about one of the most misunderstood concepts in neurodivergent leadership: Masking.
Of course we can’t talk about autistic leadership without talking about masking. The conversation is much more nuanced than social media would have you believe.
Should You Mask Your Autism At Work?
A common pattern I see in clients who are adult diagnosed is the mixture of relief and confusion the discovery generates. On the one hand, it is a huge relief to know that there are others out there with similar experiences, that it’s not a personal failing that you struggle with things that others find easy, it’s just the way your brain works. For me personally, it was incredibly validating to have that experience and learn a little more about how my brain works.
On the other hand, it can also be destabilising and one of the most confusing parts is the topic of masking. Often when researching post diagnosis we end up reading a lot about masking, about how much energy it takes to pretend to be someone we’re not. About how we shouldn’t HAVE to do it.
This kind of discourse is genuinely helpful, it can be hugely empowering to reclaim that energy and show up in the world more authentically. But it is a fact of the life we lead that unmasking has consequences. Not everyone is educated about autism, not everyone understands autistic traits.
In many spaces, there is still a stigma attached to having an autism diagnosis. And while yes, it is noble to advocate on behalf of autistic individuals and educate people on what autism is and how to be more inclusive, when you have a full time job and a family to care for, you just don’t have the energy to add full time advocate on top of that as well. You shouldn’t have to feel guilty for not adding that extra responsibility to your workload.
So where does that leave us with masking? The answer is that the decision to mask or not to mask isn’t black and white. It’s contextual and depends on the nuances of the situation you find yourself in.
I personally encourage my clients to think of masking as a tool in your toolkit. Among family, close friends, colleagues you have a good relationship with, taking the time to share about your autism and help them understand how you can all work together in a way that improves things for everyone is a worthwhile endeavour.
But if you need to get a report from Michael in the funding department once a quarter, is it really worth your time to invest in autism education when you only speak to him for half an hour every three months? In this situation, the energy efficiency of masking is worth it.
The key point isn’t whether you should mask all the time or unmask completely. It’s how intentional you are about it.
Much like we choose how to dress based on the situations we anticipate to come across, masking should also be an intentional choice to fit the circumstances.
Direct Communication: The Pros and the Pitfalls
One common trait among autistic leaders is our preference for direct communication. Directness is clear and clear is both kind and efficient in the workplace. It means we often get frustrated when people beat around the bush, but are also valued for getting to the point in important conversation topics.
Being a direct communicator is hugely valuable in multiple ways. First and foremost, it stops feedback from becoming muddled. If you tell your employee that they’re missing one KPI but make sure to emphasize that they’re doing great on the remaining to soften the blow, they might come out of the conversation thinking they’re doing well on balance. They then get surprised when the PIP hits at the end of the year due to the poor performance on the one KPI.
Direct communication avoids this by making it clear what the biggest problem is. It doesn’t have to be mean, just clear, and that clarity is more kind than softening the message so much that it’s obscured.
This is just one example of how directness can be a boon in the workplace and I’ve written a full blog post detailing both the pros and the pitfalls when it comes to directness in the workplace. However, there is one important down side to directness that I want to make you aware of:
When a relationship is difficult for whatever reason, directness feels like the logical choice because it removes ambiguity from the conversation and prevents them from reading between the lines into something that’s not there.
However, while intuitively it might make sense, the reality is often different. When the relationship is already challenging, your words go through a layer of interpretation by the other party. What is intended to be good faith for you might be interpreted as rude or defensive by the other party given the pre-existing relationship context.
I’ll be posting a whole blog post about how to handle this situation soon so sign up to the mailing list to hear when it becomes available.
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Networking: How to do it without burning out
Often when a client mentions networking it’s accompanied by an eye-roll, something that gets across how much of a chore and an energy sap it is to do this work. Most leaders recognise that this is a vital part of growing your career and necessary to keep doing their jobs well. But it also comes with a huge energy cost.
The solution, like with masking, is to be intentional in how you approach networking. That can mean “attend the drinks for the first hour then go home” when it comes to managing energy, but more important is to put thought into the conversations themselves. Who do you want to talk to and why?
I’ve worked with clients to establish their goals for the networking and classify people into one of three categories: People I would be interested in talking to because of what they know, people I would be interested in talking to because of who they know, and people who I would not be interested in having further conversation with.
We built scripts for starting the conversations that would allow my client to figure out which of the three camps these people fell into. In the latter category, we worked out how my client would politely leave the conversation and protect the energy for people they did want to talk to.
Networking because you think you should without a plan beyond forcing yourself to be there is a recipe for burning out. As with all things we’ve spoken about in this article, intention is key.
Instructions aren’t Clear: Navigating through Uncertainty at work
The other big challenge my clients often face is dealing with uncertainty at work. We often prefer routine and so when we know the parameters of the job and what success looks like in the role, we can excel at executing against our responsibilities. The problem happens when things start to change and boundaries aren’t so clearly defined.
Whether it’s a re-org, a new manager or acquiring a new team, the uncertainty means that the previous way of working goes out the window and often the chaos means that no one can give you the answers of what this new paradigm should look like.
The biggest success my clients have had in this situation is when they’ve taken some of the control into their own hands. It can be hard to set the team’s direction without a mandate, or create a strategy when you don’t know what goal to orient the team towards, but that doesn’t mean you’re completely lost.
In fact, in this situation there are often fundamentals that are important whatever the ultimate direction ends up being. So instead of asking your manager, who is likely also facing the same problem, for direction, you can propose it, starting with the things you’re most confident will be needed regardless of the outcome.
Note that this doesn’t mean going away and doing it all by yourself without telling them. This can also backfire if your choice wasn’t the right one. It means taking ownership of what you can control and proposing a plan to tackle it. You’ll get far better engagement from stakeholders who can iterate on your plan then handing them a blank page.
This is another topic I will be deep diving on in the coming weeks, but for now keep two things in mind: Focus on what you can control, not on the anxiety the uncertainty creates, and don’t wait for direction: propose it instead.
When work is chaos, there’s no way you’re going to be able to map everything out, but start with something small that you feel comfortable proposing a solution to and build from there.
Working in a Way That Works for Your Brain
Autistic leadership isn’t about finding workarounds for your autism and it isn’t about changing yourself to fit the neurotypical mould (yes, even with the nuance around masking!). It’s about building a way of leading that works with your brain rather than against it.
The four challenges I’ve mentioned here (masking, direct communication, networking and uncertainty) aren’t weaknesses to be fixed. With the right understanding and strategies, they’re even places you can excel. You just need the strategies that work for you.
Of course, what this strategy looks like is different for every leader I work with. So if you recognise yourself in any of this and want to find out what this looks like for you specifically, get in touch. This is exactly what I do.
Ready to Define Leadership on Your Terms?
If you’re ready to stop trying to fit into someone else’s leadership mold and start building confidence your way, I’d love to help. Book a Neurodivergent Leadership Coaching Call or Explore more leadership transformations here.
Leadership doesn’t need to look “normal” to be powerful. It just needs to look like you.
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