From Accidental Leader to Intentional Leader: How One Neurodivergent Professional Reclaimed Confidence in Leadership
Many neurodivergent professionals don’t plan to become leaders. It often happens by accident. They stumble into it when excelling in their work and earning trust suddenly turns into telling people what to do, often without clear communication that that’s what they’re meant to do, and certainly without instructions of how to do it.
That’s exactly what happened to one of my neurodivergent leadership coaching clients.
He’d built his career as a reliable, high-performing individual contributor. Then one day, he was told to be a leader. Just like that. You’re a leader now. Have fun.
Most of the time what I’m writing about is quite conceptual so I have to try really hard to think of images to add. This time we’re just going with a corny “stepping up” into leadership… I know, you can roll your eyes at me too. I am.
The Hidden Challenge of Becoming a First-Time Leader
The shift from doing the work to leading the work can be disorienting, especially for ADHD and autistic leaders. The big aspect that goes unsaid is that despite the fact you got promoted due to your excellence at delivering, that’s no longer your job. Your job is to enable people to do the delivering instead.
His boss had encouraged him to “grow into leadership,” of course but he hadn’t actually given my client any idea what that meant. No wonder he felt like he was floundering.
He was sure it was just a knowledge gap. No one had told him how to be so he needed to find out the rule book to be a leader and just execute that. Maybe be more confident, more assertive. Whatever the rules were, he’d find them out and do them.
The problem was, he was struggling to find those rules and every floundering moment felt like he was failing, like he wasn’t cut out for this - a problem all too common for new neurodivergent leaders without the script.
This is where he came to me, asking me the question: “Which leadership style should I follow?”
Often trying to follow neurotypical advice is a bit like this: You’ve told me two things which are in opposite directions to each other? So now I don’t know where to go.
Step One: Building Awareness of Strengths
I knew from my previous work with neurodivergent leaders that I could give him a script and he’d stick his mask on and follow it diligently. But by doing that, I’d be doing him a complete disservice and setting him on a path that only ended in one place: burnout.
Traditional leadership development often assumes everyone is motivated and wired the same way. But for neurodivergent professionals, that approach can feel alienating.
So we took a different approach, one that focused on building a leadership style that worked for him, rather than squashing himself into something he wasn’t.
The first step was taking a strengths assessment, one that laid out exactly what he excelled at and why. When we started to go through the report, that’s when sparks started to fly.
One of the things my client was fantastic at was ideation and he was coming up with ideas left, right and centre. He spotted patterns in his strengths, pulled out examples of when he’d used them in both his career and life in general. He realised that not only was this where he was most successful, but where he enjoyed himself the most as well.
Of course, being an ADHDer, he also wanted to spend time at the bottom, exploring what he wasn’t good at and that sparked a realisation in itself; it didn’t matter that he wasn’t good at those particular areas, because he was getting the same things done, just through different means… the ones he was good at!
As these revelations came together, he started to realise that he had way more leadership qualities than he realised. And he was already using them.
Once that clicked, everything else became easier to build on.
I find seeing your strengths in written form hits much harder and helps my clients stop and actually acknowledge what they are.
Step Two: Creating His Leadership Narrative
Next, we built his leadership pitch, a way of articulating his style and value clearly.
For many neurodivergent and ADHD leaders, confidence comes from clarity. When you can explain what you stand for, you can stop trying to emulate others and start leading authentically.
Together, we defined his narrative:
What he believes good leadership looks like
What makes his approach effective
How his strengths serve his team
The best part was that he had evidence that this worked already and now that he knew about it he could lean into it even more.
When he finally shared his pitch with his boss, the impact was immediate.
His boss was blown away and immediately green lit his ideas with enthusiasm.
He’d moved from “accidental leader” to intentional leader.
I knew I’d find a missing puzzle piece being put into place if I searched stock images for it.
Step Three: Growing Confidence Through Alignment
When we’d first started, one of his biggest concerns was networking and we spent time coming up with a plan of how to make networking feel less of A Big Thing. So imagine how excited I was when in our most recent catch-up he told me about his next big job opportunity… that he’d got through networking.
The best part was that this time, it didn’t feel forced. With that typical ADHD energy he volunteered for an extra-curricular activity and through that connected with someone whose values matched his. That relationship naturally opened a door that aligned with his strengths.
That’s what happens when confidence grows from alignment rather than imitation.
He hadn’t become someone new. He’d simply learned to embrace his natural leadership style.
Look I’m not very good with visual imagery so we’re going very literally here. Here’s a plant growing to symbolise leadership growth.
Why Neurodivergent Leadership Coaching Works
This story is part of a wider pattern I see every week.
Many neurodivergent leaders, especially those with ADHD, autism, or gifted traits, get promoted based on technical ability, not leadership training. Then they’re left to figure out the emotional, relational, and strategic parts alone.
That’s where neurodivergent leadership coaching fills the gap.
It helps professionals move from surviving in leadership to thriving in it by working with their brains, not against them.
In this client’s case, we used my ALIGN framework, which supports neurodivergent professionals in building sustainable, authentic leadership confidence:
Awareness – understanding where existing leadership models don’t fit
Leverage – identifying and using natural strengths
Integrate – practising leadership in real-life scenarios
Grow – building influence and confidence through aligned communication
Narrative – shaping a self-story that supports confidence, not self-doubt
The result? A leader who feels grounded, clear, and capable, all while staying true to his own style.
What This Means for You
If you’ve ever found yourself in a role thinking “I should know what I’m doing by now” you are by far not the only one.
Many neurodivergent leaders feel exactly the same way. The difference is whether you keep pushing through with self-doubt, or pause to realign with who you really are as a leader.
Confidence doesn’t come from hoping. It comes from clarity, self-awareness, and alignment.
And when you lead from that place, everything starts to click.
Ready to Define Leadership on Your Terms?
If you’re ready to stop trying to fit into someone else’s leadership mold and start building confidence your way, I’d love to help. Book a Neurodivergent Leadership Coaching Call or Explore more leadership transformations here
Leadership doesn’t need to look “normal” to be powerful. It just needs to look like you.
Want to see more?
Sign up with your email address to receive the latest thoughts on neurodivergent careers and leadership.